he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
