If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
