So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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