haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Randomize
