Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
