FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
