Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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