it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
