I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
