stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Randomize
