do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize