So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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