oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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