see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
