i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
