Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
