we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
She's the barista slut.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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