Will you blow on my dice?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
