I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
