I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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