Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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