Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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