I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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