walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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