listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You pole danced in your parka.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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