WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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