She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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