Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
