it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
