I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I need to calm my uterus...
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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