What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
