addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
