I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
