Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
