so that wasnt chicken after all
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
