Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
