What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
