Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
