and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Randomize
