oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
i've created a new STD.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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