I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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