ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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