the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
