hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
