so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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