the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
My dick has a subreddit
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize