Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
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I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
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I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
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