I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
When are your genitals available?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
