Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
