Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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