that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
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