ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
