so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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