dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
