Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
