now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
